This Ain’t No Party, This Ain’t No Disco, This Ain’t No Foolin’ Around
Posted on August 18th, 2008
Hola!
I’ll start with another stray thought I had about Bob and Andrew before getting into the real meat and potatoes of this blog.
On Sunday I was mowing my lawn and considering calling Bob for some reason that I can’t remember. Thankfully, I came to my senses and didn’t. (Oh yeah, I was thinking about it because I was considering entering the year 1997 and getting a cell phone; I still might, but that’s a blog for another day) Anyhoo… I was thinking of semi-offensive variations of what I was going to call Bob when I reached him on the phone: “Bob-oh”, “Belezabob”, and “Bob-oh-tron” were all considered before I thought of going with “Bobert” (as opposed to Robert). And then the name “Bert” stuck in my head, and I realized that Bob is a lot like Bert from Sesame Street: tall, not cool and has funny hair.
Then I thought about Andrew… Andrew into Andy and then into Ernie…Wow… Andrew is a lot like Ernie, also from Sesame Street: the shorter guy in the duo, the cool guy in the duo and also has funny hair.
Wow! Bob and Andrew ARE Bert and Ernie: a vaguely funny duo with disparate personalities and a not-so-vague homosexual undercurrent to their entire relationship.
I now intend to refer to them as Bert and Ernie from now on. And I also encourage you to do the same.
Now, let’s get on to what you all really came here for: probably me bitching about something.
Tags: bert and ernie, Blouin's Blog, cupid, fifteen years old, girl, shaft, steve blouin, you are going to hell for reading this
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The Bob & Andrew Show: Don’t Call Me Zombie, Racist.
Posted on August 17th, 2008
This week on a jam-packed episode of The Bob and Andrew Show, the boys wax poetic on a number of pressing issues including the death penalty, racism, and their new short film “Don’t Call Me Zombie”.
Directed by Nicholas Humphries (black shirt; the guy who is neither Bob nor Andrew), DCMZ is the latest short film birthed and written by Bob and Andrew. Today they look back at the shoot and discuss their experiences on set.
Tags: alex dafoe, andrew menzies, bob woolsey, Comedy, death, hanging, kkk, nick humphries, Podcast, racism, shoplifting, stickers
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The Runner
Posted on August 15th, 2008
THE RUNNER
featuring:
Trystan Carter as The Runner
Aaron Brooks as Greg
Tags: aaron brooks, Comedy, fitness, runner, sketch comedy, trystan carter
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Pigeon Technology II
Posted on August 15th, 2008
If you remember the vicious flow I spewed several moons ago, good on you.
On vineyard land there’s a practice of shooting air cannons to scare away birds and other predators that might eat the wine berries. It appears Pigeon Technology has been adapted to the detriment of the homeless person yet again.
The bank nearby my place of business has a warm, spacious foyer in which many a hobo has taken the odd slumber. While the general bank is closed, it’s not uncommon to find, two, three, four, five or six hobos napping. Not once have any of them hassled me for money while I used the ATM, which is unfortunate, because I enjoying lying.
There have been no hobo sleepovers in my bank for the past month. Why? Because a constant, eardrum-crapping beep rings out during the bank’s off-hours.
Tags: andrew menzies, atm, bird, cardboard box, hobo, hobos, immortal technique, loitering, pigeon, pigeons, technology, teeangers
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Owning a Dog isn’t Like Having a Kid. It’s Worse.
Posted on August 14th, 2008
I spent the past weekend dogsitting for my friends who were out of town, and I realized that depsite certain stereotypes, I never want to own a dog.
Maybe it’s me. Perhaps I’m just too selfish, but the point remains: Dogs are more of a hassle than they’re worth. The facts, if you will.
1. Food
Dogs always want food. They’re never not hungry. They especially want whatever you’re eating, and I don’t blame them, after reading the ingredients of dog food.
At least children will eventually learn how to provide for themselves. A dog has no learning curve. No matter how many times they see it done, they can’t open their own bag of kibble and proportion a suitable amount. Any time a dog is left to his own devices, he ends up eating garbage.
Tags: Brangelina Jolie-Pitt, cats, children, dog food, Dogs, excrement, pajamas
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This Blog is One Tough Mother
Posted on August 11th, 2008
Man up. Be a man. Stand tall. Walk hard. Take it like a man. Stop crying.
Sound familiar? I know it does to me.
In this hard knock life we live it’s easy to get down on yourself from time to time, easy to whine, easy to just plain give up. The regular reply to this kind of behaviour is one of the above sayings from a father or authority figure of another kind. But just how does one go about being a man? What does standing tall entail exactly? Is walking hard simply an especially vigorous form of regular walking?
These are hard questions and there are no easy answers. At least that’s what I’ve found as I’ve cried myself to sleep many a night thinking about them. In fact, I would say that being a man is much more complex than the most manliest of man’s men would make it seem. Look at Gary Cooper, Kris Kristofferson, Sam Peckinpah, Johnny Cash, Russel Crowe, Tom Selleck, John Wayne, Steve McQueen - they all seemed like they didn’t give a shit about anything. Thus making them seem tough, hence their status as manly men. Not so, however. Let me explain.
Tags: bob woolsey, kublai khan, man, manliness, manly, men
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Further Considerations of the Phantasmagoric
Posted on August 10th, 2008
Sleep, much like the cognate world, has not been kind to me.
I’m often plagued by visions magnifique, thematic elements that haunt me even when I wake.
I’ve noticed that recently, the way I remember my dreams has changed.
Usually I remember whole chunks, stories or acts. Event A led to Event B, which initiated Event C. I can see why things unfolded as they did. Though medical doctors have stated in many reputable studies that one can dream up to a dozen times in a single eight hour session, we only tend to remember the last few before we wake. Fairly normal, across the board sort of occurrences. However my dreams have been cutting in and out, as I seem remember as little as a line of dialogue, or as much as a single scene. It’s as if I’m flipping channels and catching bits and pieces of an old movie on cable.
Something must have happened to cause this shift in recollection… the questions is what?
Tags: andrew menzies, bar, bob woolsey, confusion, dreams, jamie lee curtis, kurt cobain, tigers, whiskey
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The Spaniard
Posted on August 9th, 2008
THE SPANIARD
featuring:
Bob Woolsey as The Dentist
Stephen LeBail as The Bike Messenger
and
Wade Fennig as The Spaniard
Tags: All Videos, andrew menzies, bike messenger, bob woolsey, Comedy, comedy sketch, darren borrowman, dentist, spaniard, stephen lebail, wade fennig
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The 5 People you Meet on the Bus
Posted on August 8th, 2008
by Meghan Lightle
I will always be a slave to the public transportation system of whatever city I live in. This is a fact I have accepted as I can neither afford, nor drive, a car, and the likelihood of both those obstacles being eliminated is on par with Elvis (50’s Elvis, back when he was still hot) calling me tonight for a booty call. That is to say, in either event, I would most certainly jump at the opportunity. Quiet, you know you would too.
As someone who takes public transit every day, and can string some words together forming a coherent sentence, I feel I have earned the right to rant about the irritating bus passengers I am forced to endure. I’ve given them all clever nicknames to further illustrate their annoyances. I’ll stay away from cliches like “Guy with Smelly Food” and “Girl Who Talks Loudly on Cellphone” especially since that bitch has her own poster.
Tags: crack addicts, Elvis, environment, Gangsta rap, iPhone, Meghan's blog, meth, public transit
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Words Said By People That Are Not Me
Posted on August 7th, 2008
Do you ever find yourself in a public place, baffled by something you’ve overheard in a conversation unrelated to your own? We’re not talking about your friends and the stupid things that come out of their mouths (Graeme Beatty); that’s par for the course. I’m speaking strictly of eavesdropping.
The other night, I was walking home from some fuckin’ place, when I happened upon two chaps. They were dressed in in sweater-vests and cargo pants. I quickly assessed that I could take either in a fight. (Perhaps both at once, though I’d have to be resourceful and use the environment to my advantage.)
I thought nearly nothing of them, as I was drunk at the time and focused primarily on securing a hot dog.
Tags: corporate, dead chickens, kfc, naomi klein, nike, rebook, scooter, tofu, vegetarian
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A Bob Woolsey Tribute to: Well-Fitting Pants
Posted on August 6th, 2008
I like a lot of things in this world. There’s a lot of stuff that I see and think “Hey, I should tell people about this!” Hence, this blog.
This particular tribute: Well-fitting pants.
Let me begin by saying that I am a fan of well dressed people. I admire their ability to put outfits together and walk the streets stylishly. However, I do not consider myself a well dressed person most of the time. Appropriately dressed? Yes, but well dressed? That’s a stretch. I like the old t-shirt and jeans combo - or perhaps the t-shirt and shorts combo, depending on the season. T-shirts are easy to find. There are plenty of people making really cool t-shirts (Jadefish is a perfect example). You don’t even really have to try them on. Once you know your general t-shirt size, you’re set. Pants however, are a different story.
Tags: bob woolsey, leather pants, pants, tribute
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I miss the Dairy Queens, honky tonks and Seven Elevens
Posted on August 5th, 2008
It’s been a while since I’ve gone out for a blog, so before I get into my usual stuff, I’m going to quickly share a random thought string with you.
I was just thinking, just now, this very moment in fact, about what characters from Star Wars that Bob, Andrew and myself would probably be.
As much as it pains me to admit this, Andrew would probably be Han from the first two movies; you know, before he got all candy-assed out by Princess Leia. A cool exterior that seems not to give a damn anything, meant to hide an interior of zen-like coolness and great empathy.
Up yours, Andrew.
It’s nowhere near as cool for me. I’m definitely C-3PO. Basically because I bitch about everything. And I’m definitely not cool. And I’m a wimp.
If there’s any other uncool stuff that you can attach to C-3PO, I’m probably that too.
Bob is Jar Jar Binks.
Tags: Blouin's Blog, comic books, graphic novels, star wars, you are going to hell for reading this
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Mexico
Posted on August 3rd, 2008
Featuring
Stephen LeBail as The Man
Trystan Carter as Algazar
Directed by Darren Borrowman
Written by Bob Woolsey and Andrew Menzies
Tags: adultery, darren borrowman, mexico, stephen lebail, trystan carter, wet noses
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Podcast follow-ups: An Andrew Menzies Lesson
Posted on August 2nd, 2008
Podcasting can be a cruel bitch.
While I embrace the emotional roller-coaster of highs and lows of pithy arguments about pop art and life, often times topics are left underdeveloped, and some things call for an elaboration and explanation that just cannot be given during a fifteen minute show.
I am here on the Internet today to offer a few words of follow-up to previous Bob and Andrew Show episodes. I feel it is my duty as a respected member of the web community to provide you with all of the information.
Andrew Menzies is CNN pre-9/11, not post 9/11.
So I wish to offer you addendums, reactions, and post-scriptures of Bob and Andrew Shows past. For you, the viewer, deserves to know.
Tags: Bob and Andrew show, justice, Podcast, redemption, Shawshank Redemption
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Audition
Posted on July 31st, 2008
AUDITION
featuring:
Stephen LeBail as Producer
Bob Woolsey as Casting Director
Wade Fennig as Kevin Bannick
and
Andrew Menzies as Himself
Tags: acting, audition, Bob and Andrew, pink scarf, stephen lebail, wade fennig
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Why people want to beat me up - #5
Posted on July 29th, 2008
I suspect other people like to lie as much as I do when tasting expensive booze. My lower(income)-upper(outlook) social bracket has grown to include a few formal tasting events lately. I’m convinced these are meant to strictly reinforce social stratification for the benefit of those involved.
The subtext of these events goes something like this (use your best Lord Uppinbottom accents): “Don’t you wish the proles could decipher taste as well as we?” “Yes, yes. But I can assure you this 20 year Tawny Port would be utterly wasted on their unrefined tongues.” “Indeed, I’m quite sure it wouldn’t pair well with Ruffles.” And so it goes…
My favourite part is to name a taste that might actually be there, but you know it’s not. You take a sip of red wine and say something like: “Do you notice the faint finish? It’s very close to the acidity in an acai berry. But you probably haven’t tasted one of those, have you?”
Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: booze, Lord Uppinbottom, pretentious, tawny port
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The Bob & Andrew Show: Freedom Party Recap
Posted on July 29th, 2008
Bob and Andrew went to their friend Nicholas Humphries’ party last Friday. Nick was celebrating his freedom from the work force as he goes back to school for his Master’s degree. Get a full rundown of the party’s events in this podcast… or at least what Andrew can remember of them. Also discussed is Andrew’s dilemma over a bag of chips he was double charged for at Safeway and just what benefits and perks a Master’s degree entails.
Click the little triangular button below to listen:
Tags: andrew menzies, bob woolsey, Comedy, party, Podcast, The Bob and Andrew Show
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Ways to Die
Posted on July 27th, 2008
If you are like me, you are afraid of dying.
However if you’re exactly like me, you are also interested and intrigued by the way in which you are going to go.
I’ve compiled what I feel are the three best ways to die.
Now, I know a lot of you will inundate the comments with shouts of “Where is internal combustion?” and ”What about angina?”. Well, a blogger can’t please everyone. I have tried to narrow the list to the pristine level of death: the top three ways I think one can exit this world. If you’re somehow upset, hurt, or offended I excluded something you or a loved one may have or someday wish to endure, I am sorry.
And onto the death!
Tags: andrew menzies, death
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The Bob & Andrew Show: The Bad Haircut
Posted on July 26th, 2008
Bob got a bad haircut. He tells the tale of it in this very episode. Andrew recalls the fasions of his youth and how he had a brief facination with tear-away pants. As always Bob and Andrew try to make sense of thier lives through comparing them to movies. In this episode: Orange County, Stand and Deliver and Dangerous Minds.
Click on the play button right now to listen!
Tags: andrew menzies, bob woolsey, Comedy, faux hawk, Haircut, Podcast
Filed under The Bob and Andrew Show | 6 Comments »
I’d Rather be Sailing
Posted on July 24th, 2008
Since I was but a boy I have heard the call of the ocean, beckoning me to take my rightful place in this world as a seaman. Unfortunately I was born inland with a deathly phobia of sharks. However, my longing for the sea has not waned and I remain facinated with the naval tradition even today. How does this affinity for all things aqua affect my everyday life, you might ask? How do I cope with this unrealized dream that burns deep down inside me?
Well, I listen to a lot of Jimmy Buffett, I watch The Hunt For Red October whenever it comes on TV and I take baths instead of showers whenever possible.
You might say I’ve given up on my dream of being a sailor. You might also say that I’ve lost part of who I am by not following this passion. You might be a jerk. But, as we all know, you can’t be everything you want to be in life. Some desires have to give way to others so that we may be genuinely successful at one thing rather than kinda good at many things. It’s how we deal with these lost opportunities that make us into one of two kinds of people:
1) Happy, well adjusted, relatively normal individuals.
2) Losers.
Here is my theory on how to make sure you end up as number one instead of number two:
Tags: All Blogs, ballerina, bob woolsey, Comedy, dancer, dreams, golf course, restraining order, sailing
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